Upset and it ain't my stomach.

What a horrible day! I went to work at KSD as usual- It was picture day! My hair-- well-- there is nothing to say about it- I hate my hair.
Boss gave me a big project to work on- YEA! The interpreter even answered the phones for me while I worked on it until she had an IEP to go to. I had to ask my boss tons of question- which ended up being really stupid questions. anyway--- I am finishing up the big job and the phone rings and it is Bud. "Heeeeeyyyy Sh- sheeeerrrrryyyy" he says very slurred and slow. I immediately go into panic mode. "Bud? What's up? What is going on?" " Um... I don't know... I can't seem to stay awake, and I am having a hard time walking." Again very slow and slurred. "Well, I will come and pick you up ok? Stay there!" So I interrupt a meeting the Boss is in and explain that there is an emergency with my husband. She signs back to me "GO!" So I gather up my stuff and stop by the Infirmary to get advise from my other boss. She is an ER nurse when she isn't working in the Infirmary. She tells me to call the doc and to call Bud's co-workers to see what kind of information I can get out of them. so- I do that. I call them and head over to Bud's work. I also call my Mom who is at the church office. I ask for prayers for Darren.
Get Darren all picked up- try to quiz him without being "too quizative" because it "sets him off" and drop him off at home to rest because the doctor told us to come in at 4pm (we already had an appointment set up- thank God!)
I head back to work- sit down at my desk- go back to work on my project- type up the corrections that needto be made and then I realize- I don't have my job application in yet for the Para-job which I am to apply for- in case this secretary comes back on the 15th of October. yep, the one job I LOVE on campus isn't mine. The Administrative Assistant (secretary) is out on FMLA leave until mid October. If she decides to come back I am S.O.L. Because Bud can't deal with me being gone at night. So no more CNA for me- so this wonderful job as a Paraprofessional in the High School (one building I haven't worked in yet!) opened up and the person currently in it is leaving October 3rd. Anyway- I have to get this freakin' application in! The job was posted last week. I tried to get it in last week- but we had this big Fundraiser called DEAF Sunday and I was in charge of the bid booklet for the auction. It was horrible- I was at KSD all day Saturday with Nathan trying to get it done, and again early Sunday morning- and I completed it, and the Wii- which was donated and part of the Live Auction- did not print on the page and I didn't know it until an hour before the event!! anyway----I still need to get this application done and turned in!!!
So I am finishing up this application- right? I am compiling a list of all my job titles and duties at KSD on a form with the help of some ladies in the office and I get a call from Nathan's school. I NEVER GET CALLS FROM HIS SCHOOL- so I know something must be bad. I answer it and it is the director- Michelle. "Nathan just had a seizure here at school." "Does he have seizures?" "WHAT?" I responded back? "We have called 911 and they are on their way -would you like to meet us here at the preschool or at the hospital?" "At the hospital" I replied. I started freaking out!!! I had seizures (epilepsy) from the age of 3-7 and in my head I have always wondered if I could pass that issue onto Nathan. So I immediately hang up the phone and start to cry. The interpreter = Lori is there and she is wonderful!!! she is the one that told me about this wonderful Bible Study at work- and we share prayer concerns all the time. Anyway- she says she is not letting me drive by myself. She drives me to the hospital... Crap!!! Bud has a doctor appointment at 4pm yet!! I call another friend of ours and she gets her husband to come out and get Bud and take him to the doctor. Whew!!! got that scheduled. I of course call my Mom and she flips out- and I call Bud's mom and she of course starts crying too. We arrive at the hospital- beating the ambulance. Finally he arrives and he is still disoriented a bit. He knew who I was but did not understand why he wasn't in Mrs Brandy's room anymore. I talk to the doctor who was very impressive and quick to respond. I had forgotten to make copies of Nathan's insurance card since he had switched to Daddy's insurance- but we got that taken care of...
So- we wait... Doc looks at his throat and poor Nathan can hardly open his mouth- and Doc says --- WOW! His tonsils are really inflamed. He reads the EMT report and at the time they picked him up his fever was 101.3! They try and give him some tylenol and motrin. He won't have any of it- I convince him to take it- and he can play "bowling" on my blackberry... he agrees to it.. but doesn't even play half a game. He starts to whine a bit- and he gets sleepy. doc takes a throat culture- before they gave him his medicine----and we wait to hear if it is strep. So- Bud calls me and says "No doctor- I am coming to the ER!" He shows up. Nathan goes to sleep and immediately starts snoring. Doc comes in- No Strep- severe tonsilitus and we are to go see his pediatrician next week t0 talk about getting his tonsils and probably his adenoids out. So--- they offer antibiotic for 10 days or a shot of penicillan. I chose the shot- just because of his throat being so inflamed and he has horrible diarhea when he is on most anti-biotics... so they give him the shot- and he hardly cried. We have to wait 20 minutes to see if there is a reaction. I head back to KSD with Lori- to get my car. I am still freaking out- I gather up my stuff- I am supposed to be teaching Family Sign Class- but we cancelled it for this week. I turn on my computer and send some files to my home email so I can work on them- but forget to send my KSD duties document DOH!!! I start to leave and I got stopped by a few people and so it takes me 40 minutes to get back to the hospital. Bud calls me as I am getting ready to get off the interstate.
Ok-- so we stop by "EnDonalds" because Nathan wants chocolate milk. I hadn't eaten much lunch because I had to work through lunch due to picking up Bud at work... We get McDonald's and go home. Nathan chows down french fries and a cheeseburger and 2 chocolate milks. He was definitely hungry!!!
I make a Walgreen's run to get liquid Tylenol and Motrin an Bud has 2 prescriptions there and I walk out $74.00 later! I had to get milk and of course juice for little man at the grocery store. I get home at almost 8 pm... and Nathan wants to play Bookworm on my laptop- so we sit ad play that for awhile and he starts to get all hot again- 101.2 accoring to our ear thermometer... so we start in on tylenol and I set up the air mattress in his bedroom and that is where I am now. It is 2:29 am and I am layn on the air mattress listening to him snore and checking him for another fever. UG!! So far so good.
My mother is leaving Iowa at 5:45 this morning- to avoid traffic... My mother-in-law is leaving St. Louis this afternoon and coming- why?
Bud got his dr appointment moved to today at 4pm. I go in at 5:45 on Thursday morning for outpatient surgery (female stuff)
so- yes- I am very upset and it sure ain't my stomach!!! I am reminded on a daily basis that God uses us when we are at our deepest... come on God!! Use me- cuz I aint sure I can handle going any deeper- I just am totally broken and empty- and so unsure of life right now. I so want to be taken care of- instead of caring for others- I often ask myself "when is it my turn?" I know it is a huge part of being a mom and wife- but I am so drained- I feel like the absolute bottom of the pit- is where I am at. Our house looks like it too!!!
Well it is time to take little man's temperature... Until I post again....
oh- yes- almost forgot--- I missed out on Picture Day! So I can wait till OCT 28th- and maybe get something done with my hair- if I am still at KSD.

Space- a final frontier...

Ok- just read hubby's blog. He totally is wrong! He over-reacted to my bag from work being on his side of our bedroom. Then he says I push him off the bed when I sleep- now tell me- how I am supposed to correct this problem? TELL ME!!!

I am behind on my Bible Study with the ladies a work. I am almost a whole week behind! I was going t catch up this weekend, but I ended up working on my "room" so Bud could have more room in his manland. Guess I have a lot more to do.

Tomorrow we are babysitting the Robidoux girls! Bud likes taking care of Taylor. Nathan hangs with Riley- and I guess I will handle Nathan and Riley.

Tuesday is Bible Study- and my first Sign Class for the year. I won't be home until late. Wed I go to Sorenson. Thursday is Deaf Sunday prep day- and Friday is Scrapbooking! Saturday is a birthday party for a friend of Nathans and Sunday is Deaf Sunday. If you want to buy tickets - contact me- $15.00 for adults. $5.00 for ages 4-12.

Busy week. Not much breathing room. Next week is my surgery! Woo Hoo!!!

Well Big Brother is on- gotta run!!!

Couplehood

I want to say- I love my husband 100%. I do not know what is inside his head- what he thinks or even feels and it drives me crazy! This isn't your normal male/female stuff. Tonight when Nathan and I came home he was smiling! He even opened the door for us! 10 minutes later he is all sad and depressed and practically catatonic in the chair watching the news. I asked him what was wrong "nothing" he said and then he went to bed - where I catch him practically crying. I called the doctor and he immediately told me to give him more pills. I know he doesn't want to take anymore pills. If it were me- I wouldn't want to take the pills but I am stuck. I am to return to my work at Sorenson in 2 days- and I can't have him like this- and expect him to take care of Nathan while I am gone! UGH!!! It is driving me crazy and I feel so helpless.
Being a couple with someone with a head injury/mental illness is very stressful. Yes we have some great days. Saturday was pretty good with the parade and the Spinach festival but then in the afternoon it was clearly "too much" for him.
I really want my ol' Bud back- but when I think about it- he wasn't as active as he is now - what I mean is- involved in things. I like it when he gets involved in things that mean something to him. I teased him cuz he ordered a free Book of Mormon from the Mormons and they delivered it last week. He asked what the difference was between theirs and ours and I told him and when we were at church- he asked the Sunday School class and we talked about it and I could see Bud's brain a working. But tonight- it was a 180 turn in the wrong direction. He even used the word "depressed!" My heart aches when I see him this way. It is a dull pain that eats away at me- and I try and play the "helper" role but what can you do when the other person doesn't want to be helped? We are together for reason. I truly believe that but it is so painful sometimes. I cry on the inside a lot more lately. I try not to show my heart breaking. I am trying to remain positive for him- for our family but it is feeling more like a burden on me and it is beginning to weigh me down. Like the ox with the - thingy on his neck... I had the word in my head and I lost it as I was typing... you know what I mean! Anyway.... I will think of it when I post this thing.
I really am thinking about postponing my exam until things get better I feel so underprepared and even though it is 2 months away- I still have so much more work to do! My voicing sucks!!! I get caught up in this huge wave of nervousness. I was beginning to overcome it, when I had to take my leave from Sorenson. Now I have to get it back. I can't concentrate with Bud being in this state either. AAAAAAA!!!
Well- I need to put Nathan to bed... until next time!
-SL

Friday Night- just got paid!

I got my first official check of the 08-09 school year and I got a 37cent raise- not even enough to buy a postage stamp- but it is still a raise!

Took the boys to Chapala for dinner to celebrate! Even got a sopapilla! We are livin' high now!

I have decided to get my life in order. I got a new Franklin Covey binder and calendar and am rewrting my Mission Statement and setting goals and just plain looking at this life o' mine. ANYWAY... the binder only comes with one month's of planning pages and it is undated and an undated calendar for each month (one of my pet peeves!) so- I found out I get a discount at Franklin Covey here in town cuz I work for the state of Kansas- and I bought some refills that will be really helpful and I got a cool colorful calendar for next year and well- spent about an hour and a half in the store. I got home after running errands and realized- I got the wrong size!!! I am so mad at myself. I swore it was the compact size- but no- I bought a classic! UGH... I really want to get started and now I have to drive back over to OP and tomorrow we have plans for the whole day- and Sunday they are closed! Darn it!! Guess I have to be patient.

Tomorrow we are going to Old Settler's Breakfast at KSD and then we are going to watch the parade from KSD and then--- head to Lenexa for the Spinach Festival and then back home for naps and back to Old Settlers. Nathan is pretty excited about it. I heard there is a slight chance of rain. I hope not.

I started going to a new Bible Study group this week. It is with other people at KSD and a few others from the Deaf Community. I get to observe other people's signing which is great! I get to know others in the Deaf Community as well.

Bud had to stay home Thurs and Friday because he is having blurry vision. This medicine is driving him crazy. He had a fit this week because I "over-helped" him. He thinks I am a freakin' mind reader. He has this agenda in his head and if I don't follow it- he blows up and walks out of the room. Like I am supposed to know what he is thinking!!! WHATEVER!!!

Did not get cleaning done like I wanted. A goal I am working on- but will get it accomplished hopefully Sat night or Sunday. Sunday we are going to Bonner to church and we have the offertory.

I really, really want to stay at KSD in this position. I think I can do some good there and build some permaneance there. This is the start of my 3rd year and my 5th position there. My boss Annie (from the Infirmary) gave me an employee review (she handed it to me) and I didn't even read it. She said it was all good. I should have brought it home... my head was not attached when I left today. I hope this week good things happen. I seem to be missing just a step- I forget a step or I overstep (both!) with people this week. Should have checked my horoscope.

Well- Nathan is tired and we got a busy day tomorrow- gotta clean out my car and get the stroller in it, so we don't lose the little man.

Till I decide to write again... All you expectant readers out there!!!!

Leaving Iowa

Heading home in a few hours- yes "home!"
Ended up at Red Lobster (yum!) for dinner. Mom took us and Steven out since it would have been Dad's birthday.
Little man was too tired to eat. Bud and I hung out at the hotel- playing upwords (or trying to) online together and then out of the blue- he said he wanted to go to the movies. So we saw TROPIC THUNDER! I thought it was hilarious! There were some parts I got a bit squeamish about and it is very obvious it is a BEN STILLER movie. But Bud absolutely hated it. He wanted a refund on his ticket- but I reminded him I bought his ticket! WHATEVER BUD!!!
Did not see Tania or the kids- just not enough time I guess. I will probably come up for my birthday and maybe then...
Steve is loving his job! He was all grins at dinner. It sure is nice to see him smile under that bushy beard and long hair.
Well- we trashed this hotel room and need to get to Mom's and get on the road after lunch...
Till next time....